First I would like to thank you again for visiting. Over the next serveral days I will be publishing my personal story. This is not a blog that I want to be one sided. I want everyone to comment(good or bad). I want to hear your opinions, your stories, your advice. I look forward to hearing from you all.

I also want to warn everyone upfront that there will be some content in here that may be too intense for all. This is not meant to be objectionable, but I want this to give people a true account of what can happen. The only way to do that is not to hold back on content.

My story - Early childhood

If you were to come up to me and ask me to tell you about good memories of my childhood, I would most likely tell you one of a few stories that I have told over and over and over when asked that question. I go on auto-pilot when those questions come up...I repeat the story(usually with very little emotion, if any) and go about my day, not thinking about the memories again. However, if you ask me the worst memories of my childhood, I could go on and on(with all the emotion of someone experiencing them for the first time). So the point of this story is not only to tell you my story, but also to help me remember those good times and get excited about them.

Age 5 - We moved to a house in a "good" part of town. I loved the yard...we had a huge(for us) yard. It was fenced in and we had a German Sheppard that I loved(however I can't remember his name). My best friend, Shana, lived 2 houses down and we spent lots of time together. Most of the time we would just hang out in my yard or go watch TV at her house.

This is where we lived when I realized, for the first time, that my life was different them most other kids. I remember the day like it was yesterday. The first time I remember my dad drunk(not the first time he was though)...We were at my aunt "A" and Uncle "O" house. Along with my parents, Aunt "M" and Uncle "B", my sister, and my 4 cousins. Everything was going great, the normal gang was all together. All of us kids were so close in age, from oldest to youngest there was only 2 years difference in age. We were all in the bedroom playing and within minutes everything fell apart. To this day none of us kids know exactly what happened outside of that room...but that day would change everything. We started to hear shouting...sounded like the grownups may be getting loud...next thing we know my mom and both of my aunts ran into the room and locked us and themselves into the closet. We were all told not to say a word and get to the back of the closet. The next thing I know I hear my dad yelling that he is coming...Then his hand punching through the closet door. I heard both of my uncles running after him. I heard them yelling that the police were coming. and pulling him out of the room. That was it...it was over and the next thing I heard from my mom..."don't tell anyone about this, and whatever you do DO NOT tell your granny and grandad." I don't know exactly what happened after that. I know the police showed up, and I know my dad never did go to jail...that day or any other day. The two things that stuck with me from that day on...DONT TELL and the police don't really protect those who need protecting. From that day forward we were not allowed to have friends spend the night(the next time that happened was on my sisters 15th b-day) and after dad got home from work, if we wanted to spend time with friends, it was at there house.

So that is the begining...Not all of this story will be like this...as I said...I do have good memeories of my childhood, and will make sure those go in here as well...look back daily as this story progresses. I will also be posting stories from others who have been in this situation along with recovering alcoholics that have agreed to post there stories as a part of the effort to inform the public about this disease.